If someone wrote you a prescription for happiness, would you take it? Would you graciously thank your doctor, discreetly tuck it into a pocket in your purse and carry it around while you did groceries, exchanged clothes and did errands, before finally landing at the pharmacy? Would you march up to the pharmacy counter, pull out that slip of paper, give the pharmacist your name and browse the aisles of CVS or Walgreens for 15-20 minutes, anxiously awaiting a smile, a laugh, some pep in your step?
Well, would you?
I have. I've sat in a doctors office and had someone tell me they've got a pill to "fix" me in some way. Far too many times. A pill to make me happy, a pill to help me do better in school, a pill to make me prettier...To which I ask, where's the pill that makes me feel beautiful? The pill that gives me straight A's? The pill that allows me to feel content with my life instead of constantly wanting to trade with someone else? Anyone else?
Put that way it all sounds ridiculous. You can't prescribe those things. (Can you?) Maybe in some cases they help, but who's to say it's not all completely psychosomatic instead of chemical? And why is it that physicians these days are so quick to label, diagnose and medicate? I just don't see how that solves anything. Instead of allowing someone to work things out for themselves, we allow them to grow dependent on tiny capsules in a bottle.
I've been on anti-anxiety medicine for as long as I can remember and have been put on Prozac twice. And the honest truth is that I do feel happier when I'm on it. I don't get frustrated at stupid things, or want to punch things or cry all of the time. I'm more keen to get out of bed in the morning, I feel better about my life and myself. But then I think about the fact that it's all coming from a tiny pill and I think to myself that that makes me even worse. That I'm unattractive, unable to focus, unhappy and in need of a stupid little inanimate thing to fix me because I'm incapable of doing so myself. And that makes me feel weak. I hate feeling weak. So I stop taking them.
The thing is though, I want to be happy. I like being happy. I like getting the sudden urge to skip like a school girl. I like laughing at the silliest of little things. I like not arguing all of the time, not crying all of the time and not breaking things. I like when the sun shines brighter, the sky seems bluer and the grass smells fresher. I like stopping to smell the roses.
And so I'm faced with a dilemma: Do I try and play my own Superhero, try to prove to myself that I'm not weak...That I am, in fact, strong, capable, and worthy of something? Or do I accept a piece of paper, discreetly tuck it into a pocket in my purse, and let tiny capsules in a bottle do the work for me even though I don't believe in attempts to prescribe away life?
If someone prescribed you happiness, what would you do?
No comments:
Post a Comment